I used to write a TON. I would write everything down. How I was feeling, who pissed me off that day, what I did. I don’t do that anymore. I’m sure it’s mainly because I like when people actually read it and, let’s be real, who gives two shits enough to read about my day? Not many people, ha. Anyway, I’m going to start (kind of) writing again. I got this planner as a stocking stuffer and I’ve actually been using it. It’s small enough to fit in my bag no problem, so I’ve been keeping track of hours for work and stuff. The other day, I started writing down what I did that day. Like, when I went camping, I wrote down everyone who went with us. My memory is so shot (too much pot in high school?) that I forget things super easily, so I figure I’ll make this an every day thing so that, at the end of the year, I can go back and know exactly what I did. I don’t know why I feel the need to tell Tumblr this, but I do. So there ya go.
I don’t know if yall have ever played Wizard Sticks, but it is almost positively the king of all drinking games.
Instead of throwing away the cans of beer you’ve finished, you tape them on top of each other to form a staff. A scepter, if you will. The first person to make their Wizard Stick taller than them wins.
And at 5’4”, Irefusetoadmit pounds in the red corner, Janna Lawson, with 15 friggin’ beers (in less than 3 hours), comes in 2nd place. Not too bad for being in a converted school bus driving through the desert of Southern California, having to lay on the floor to take a drink. The rest of the Los Angeles/Slab City/Salvation Mountain story, including pictures, comes sooner than later. Drunken shenanigans at its best, for sure.
OOOOOOKAY! So I always dick around at work and go through the Missed Connections on Cragislist. Today, I found this one and thought it sounded oddly uncanny to something Cruz would say. So, I email the poster with the subject “Cruz??!” and say, “Hahahahahhaa if this is you, I’m punching you in the throat when you get home.” Half an hour later I get a text saying, “I JUST GOT YOUR EMAIL HAHAHA!!”
Jesus. Christ. Haven’t laughed that hard in so long.
I love all these psuedo “deep” Tumblrs I keep running across. Some people pull it off quite well, but really? Does everyone in Tumblrland have to be super vague and non-descriptive? Tumblr is like the Urban Outfitters/American Apparel of the internet.
- Cruz: -mumbles something-
- Me: "What??"
- Cruz: "I've got one song I can play acoustic and sing and melt the panties off a bitch."
- Me: "Which one?"
- Cruz: "Dave Matthews."
- Me: "Ooooooh god..."
- Cruz: "What?? White girls love that shit."
- Cruz: -JUMPS THE FUCK off the couch, tries to catch the wall with his foot, push himself off and over the table-
- Cruz: -Fails miserably, ends up straddling the table, knocking everything off and spraying a beer everywhere-
- Mandi: O_O
- Me: O_O
- Cruz: "Agggggghhhhhhh...."
- Mandi: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
- Me: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
- Cruz: "Agggghhhhhhhhhh...."
- Me: "WHAT THE FUCK!"
- Mandi: (In between dying laughing) "He totally pulled it off the other day."
- So, we all crack up for a few minutes, Cruz walks into the kitchen to get paper towels to clean up the beer he spilled.
- Mandi: "Did you hurt yourself?"
- Cruz: "I got a scrape!!"
- Me: "Put that band aid shit in the medicine cabinet on it."
- Cruz: "Is this gonna burn? I'M NOT GONNA DO IT IF IT'S GONNA BURN."
- Me: "It says hurt free right on the front, dude."
- Cruz: -Puts some juice shit onto a paper towel and taps it onto the scrape-
- Cruz: "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
- Mandi: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
- Me: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
- Cruz: "IT BURNS SO FUCKING BAD IT BURNS SO FUCKING BAD IT BURNS SO FUCKING BAD OH MY GOD!!!"
- Then we all die from suffocation due to laughing too hard to breathe.
- .....I guess you had to be there.
I went to get milk at the Jewel by my house earlier today, and Dan Aykroyd was in the liqour section, selling his vodka, Crystal Head, and doing a signing. We found this interesting ride in the parking lot. When we came out, there was another one parked across the lane. It reminded me of why I love this city.
I must say, this is the funniest/saddest/most depressing blog I’ve ever read. Kudos to you, Dustin, for making it through!!
An example:
Juggalette: Give me a hug, I’m showing love to everyone tonight! Woop woop!
Me: Uhh.. That’s okay.
Juggalette: What?! Why can’t I hug you? I got love for the FAM-UH-LY!
Me: I don’t want face paint on my shirt.
Juggalette: Arent you a Juggalo?
Me: No.
Juggalette: Fuck you then!
Me: Seriously? What happened to love?
Juggalette: You’re a faggot ass bitch! Why are you even here?
Me: This is my job.
Juggalette: Fuck your job, faggot! If you ain’t family get the fuck out!
Me: Wow.
Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flown all around
And I liked to take a minute
Just sit right there
I’ll tell you how I flew in a ballon filled with hot air…. Read More
In… west Colorado born and raised
in the backyard is where I spent most of my days
soarin and swoopin all cool
and flyin a balloon instead of bein in school
when a couple of tethers
where up to no good
made me fly up out my neighborhood
Went on one little flight and my dad got scared
said “My sons in that basket up in the air”
So.. whistled for a chopper and when it came near
The side said ‘Channel 9’ and it had guys in there
If anything i could say that this situation was rare,
but i thought ’ ah forget it, jump out, no care.’
I landed on the ground from about 7 or 8
and yelled to the news crew “yo homes, find me later”
I was finally there,
to sit in my basket and the king of hot air.
